Archive for June, 2010

Being Edward Cullen

Posted: June 25, 2010 by gustafhesse in Fan Fiction Corner, Twilight, Twilight, Vampires
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You, Edward Cullen, know you have arrived when:

1. Women have wanton carnal fantasies about you and write odes to your sparkly cock.

2. Teenage girls and grown women, who really should know better, mourn the fact that you exist only in books. This does not deter these lusty wenches though, as fan fics are written and fan videos are made where you live on in glorious salacious techni-colour imagination.

3.  British actor, Robert Pattinson is chosen to play you, the 107 year-old virgin, in the Twilight movies. In your fans’ imagination, Robert Pattinson, or rather Rpatz as he is known to his fans, becomes inter-twined with you. You, Edward Cullen, now have the kudos of Rpatz representing you on celluloid. Newsprint, celebrity blogs, chat-rooms and Facebook are ablaze with exchanges about your touseled broze hair, your cheek-bones, your crotch (yes, even your crotch is zeroed in upon) and your green eyes.

4. Heated debates about who is the sexier vampire ensue on the internet, chat-rooms and Facebook. Polls are taken on who is the better vampire. Is it Edward Cullen or Eric Northman? Women and girls fantasize about you turning them into a vampire.

5. In the fan fiction universe, you live on in an highly imaginative alternate reality. In that universe, you have become all things to all women. You have become: 

~ A tattoed and pierced human (e.g. Clipped Wings and Inked Armour ).

 ~ Alternately either a sparkly or dark, blood thirsty, libidinous vampire (e.g. Lions Eat Lambs, A Life Extraordinary, Ultio, Hide and Drink, Incubus Anomaly, And With Thee Fade Away, Abbracciare il Cantante, Bonne Foi, Dark Games and Twisted Minds, Dark Possession, Irritable Grizzly Adams, Stranger Than Fiction). Oh yes, in the fan fiction universe, you’ve grown up. You are no longer the 107 year-old virgin. Here in this land, you have become the vampire that women lust after. Dark, lusty, possessive, blood thirsty and full of hidden depths.

~ A lusty hockey-player (e.g. The Misapprehension of Bella Swan, Major Misconduct)

~ A knife-wielding street-fighter, a Mafia Prince, a stone-cold killer and undercover FBI agent (The Handcuff Bracelet, Emacipation Proclaimation and The Emperors of Washington, The Lion and the Jackal, Wicked Angel)

~ A man obsessed, broken and haunted by darkness, whether by his past or taunted by his own inner demons (Company Loves Misery, Catching Spiders, How to Save a Life, Hit by Destiny, Hydraulic Level5, The Blessing and the Curse, Caravaggio, Mutually Assured Destruction, Stampede of a Thousand Pulses).

~ A Southern loving, trailer-living rock-a-billy lusty vampire perpetually in a state of priapic tumescence given to voluptuous prose who trails after the object of his obsession, Bella, a taxidermist in training (Dead Confederates).

~ A biker, a private investigator, a Mougar, a photographer with a personal harem, Professor, a Senator (Edward Cullen Dick for Hire, Relative Wind, Devil’s Angel, Edward Wallbanger, The Education of Professor Cullen, The University of Edward Masen, The Gentleman of Washington State).

A Dom (The Dominant, Master of the Universe) who explores the more hidden depths of earthly desires.

The list goes on but suffice it to say, you fulfill their erotic fantasies. You become the mirror on which myriad narratives are explored. You, Edward Cullen, vampire and Twilight character, have managed to inspire the imagination in unimaginable ways.

You have succeeded in becoming the canvas upon which issues and fantasies are explored. A safe haven where erotic, dark and sensual fantasies are moored. Freud, Stoker and Jung would be proud.

Poem of the day 25th June 2010

Posted: June 25, 2010 by gustafhesse in Poem of the day


Pablo Neruda



I am not jealous

of what came before me.


Come with a man

on your shoulders,

come with a hundred men in your hair,

come with a thousand men between your breasts and your feet,

come like a river

full of drowned men

which flows down to the wild sea,

to the eternal surt, to Time!


Bring them all

to where I am waiting for you;

we shall always be you and I

alone on earth,

to start our life!



Poem of the day 23rd June 2010

Posted: June 24, 2010 by gustafhesse in Poem of the day

The Shot

Elizabeth Jennings


The bullet shot me and I lay

So calm beneath the sun, the trees

Shook out their shadows in the breeze

Which carried half the sky away.


I did not know if I was dead,

A feeling close to sleep lay near

Yet through it I could see the clear

River and grass as if in bed.


I lay and watched the morning come

Gentle behind the blowing stuff

Of curtains, but the pain was rough,

Not fitting to a sunlit room.


And I am dying, then, I thought,

I felt them lift me up and take,

What seemed my body. Should I wake

And stop the darkness in my throat


And break the mist before my eyes?

I felt the bullet’s leaps and swerves,

And none is loved as he deserves

And death is a disguise.




Poem of the day 22 June 2010

Posted: June 22, 2010 by gustafhesse in Poem of the day

Angel Of Fire And Genitals

Anne Sexton


Angel of the love affair, do you that other,

the dark one, that other me?


Angel of fire and genitals, do you know slime,

that green mama who first forced me to sing,

who put me first in the latrine, that pantomine

of brown where I was beggar and she was king?

I said, ‘The devil is down that festering hole.’

Then he bit me in the buttocks and took over my soul.

Fire woman, you of the anciet flame, you

of the bunsen burner, you of the candel,

you of the blast furnace, you of the barbecue,

you of the fierce solar energy, Mademoiselle,

take some ice, take some snow, take a month of rain

and you would gutter in the dark, cracking up your brain.

Mother of fire, let me stand at your devouring gate

as the sun dies in your arms and you loosen it’s terrible weight.


~ Anne Sexton from Angel of the Love Affair

Ultio by 22blue

Posted: June 22, 2010 by gustafhesse in Fan Fiction Corner, Reviews, Twilight, Twilight, Vampires
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Ultio by 22blue is an amazing, well-written story with a twist to the vampire-human tale. 

This is a fan fic that uses Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight Saga as a springboard and takes the leap into a far darker world. Ultio makes me clap my hands in glee and chuckle darkly. It has all the right ingredients: dark games, a twisted vengeful vampire (Edward), and a woman (Bella) who is the object of obsession and vengeance. All is not as it seems. The story is well told, gradually evolves with a story arc which will undoubtedly surprise readers with how it ends.  

For those readers of Twilight Fan Fiction who are accustomed to an HEA – don’t read this. If you expect a generic happy ever after ending where the protagonists of the tale ride off into the sunset hand-in-hand, don’t read Ultio. This story is gleefully awash with bloodshed, carnage and serial deaths. However, if you expect a Peckinpah style ‘happy ending’ where there is bloodshed, redemption and remorse, then read this.   

Edward, the vampire, is unlike the sparkly vamp of the Twilight Sage. Here, in Ultio, he is delightfully mad, bad and depraved. The story charts his descent downwards into depraved obsession and vengeance. It is a page turner, for me at least. 

Edward in Ultio is dark and bitter – just the way I like my coffee too. And if I was a vampire, I’d probably be chuckling darkly into my Klaus Kinski Dracula cape. The plot thickens as the story progresses and we, the readers, are often left wondering: Will Edward succeed in his dark plans? Will he ever feel guilt and remorse? Or will he remain an obstinate, bitter and twisted vampire. has a long road to travel before he even admits to his guilt.  

But it is fascinating that Edward is attracted to Cash’s Hurt. Intriguing indeed as Cash’s lyrics is about guilt, acknowledgement of wrongdoings, sins and the subsequent search for redemption. 

Bella’s complexity and conflicted responses to Edward’s humiliations fascinated me. I often found myself wondering if she does actually hold the reins of power in this twisted ‘relationship’? Is she actually stronger than Edward realise? When will she ‘wake up’ to herself? All these fascinating themes are explored in Ultio. If I haven’t made myself clear, just let me say it now: go read it! Now. 


Opening paragraph from Ultio: He was neither a hero nor a villain – not in his mind, although to everyone who knew him or he had come in contact with he was one or the other and most often considered the villain. But not to her. Never to her, despite what he had done to her, the terrible things he had put her through and made her think. He kept expecting her to break, to turn into an empty shell just like him, yet she never did. She loved him. She was in love with him. It never failed to both amaze and humble him.

Poem of the day 3 June 2010

Posted: June 3, 2010 by gustafhesse in Poem of the day

A Woman Waits for Me

By Walt Whitman

(1819 – 1892)



A woman waits for me, she contains all, nothing is lacking,
Yet all were lacking if sex were lacking, or if the moisture of the
right man were lacking.


Sex contains all, bodies, souls,
Meanings, proofs, purities, delicacies, results, promulgations,
Songs, commands, health, pride, the maternal mystery, the seminal milk,
All hopes, benefactions, bestowals, all the passions, loves,
beauties, delights of the earth,
All the governments, judges, gods, follow’d persons of the earth,
These are contain’d in sex as parts of itself and justifications of itself.


Without shame the man I like knows and avows the deliciousness of his sex,
Without shame the woman I like knows and avows hers.

Now I will dismiss myself from impassive woman,
I will go stay with her who waits for me, and with those women that
are warm-blooded and sufficient for me,
I see that they understand me and do not deny me,
I see that they are worthy of me, I will be the robust husband of
those women.


They are not one jot less than I am,
They are tann’d in the face by shining suns and blowing winds,
Their flesh has the old divine suppleness and strength,
They know how to swim, row, ride, wrestle, shoot, run, strike,
retreat, advance, resist, defend themselves,
They are ultimate in their own right–they are calm, clear,
well-possess’d of themselves.


I draw you close to me, you woman,
I cannot let you go, I would do you good,
I am for you, and you are for me, not only for our own sake, but for
others’ sakes,
Envelop’d in you sleep greater heroes and bards,
They refuse to awake at the touch of any man but me.


It is I, you woman, I make my way,
I am stern, acrid, large, undissuadable, but I love you,
I do not hurt you any more than is necessary for you,
I pour the stuff to start sons and daughters fit for these States, I
press with slow rude muscle,
I brace myself effectually, I listen to no entreaties,
I dare not withdraw till I deposit what has so long accumulated within me.


Through you I drain the pent-up rivers of myself,
In you I wrap a thousand onward years,
On you I graft the grafts of the best-beloved of me and America,
The drops I distil upon you shall grow fierce and athletic girls,
new artists, musicians, and singers,
The babes I beget upon you are to beget babes in their turn,
I shall demand perfect men and women out of my love-spendings,
I shall expect them to interpenetrate with others, as I and you
inter-penetrate now,
I shall count on the fruits of the gushing showers of them, as I
count on the fruits of the gushing showers I give now,
I shall look for loving crops from the birth, life, death,
immortality, I plant so lovingly now.